I remember getting a message, “Baby, I Love You. You were the best husband, father, and friend anyone could ask for. We made it through so many deployments, missed birthdays, anniversaries, and difficult times. I thought we would have an eternity together, but I guess God, the universe has different plans. I gave my all, and I will forever Love You and our children, I’m Sorry”. As I sat in my bed at Osan Air Base, Korea, I didn’t know what to think. Heart racing, I have had many discussions with my wife, but this felt very different. I called repeatedly but didn't get an answer. As I’m getting ready for my duty day, I am trying to contact anyone who could make me feel at ease, or simply tell me what is going on. I make it in to work, heart beating out of my uniform, and log on to my computer. I immediately checked my email, as my desk phone began to ring. PLEASE CALL HOME, PLEASE CALL HOME. HURRY HOME. PLEASE CONTACT THE FIRST SERGEANT. Over and over and over. I then scroll pass, YOUR WIFE IS BEING LIFE FLIGHTED. My heart is in my stomach, lumps in my throat. I tried to maintain my military bearing, but the thoughts of her, her message, and our children overwhelmed me as the tears began to stream down my face. I picked up the phone to a voice on the other end explaining that my spouse was being flown to The University of Alabama-Birmingham hospital. Please contact your First Sergeant for emergency leave and a flight home. I put my head down on my desk and sobbed uncontrollably. This was the start to what would be the worst day of my life. 

Chrystal was an amazing woman. She was a wife, mom, daughter, friend, mentor, supervisor, therapist, and my best friend. Both serving our country, with children, it was very challenging.

We put our trust and belief into the United Air Force as we served with great honor and pride. We followed our Core Values as we had sworn to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic, and obey the orders of the officers appointed over Us. 

Everything began to change late 2015, beginning of 2016. My wife began to talk about headaches. We did the over-the-counter medication as well as the standard Motrin, issued by the Air Force. The headaches began to come more frequently, at which time she scheduled an appointment to be seen by her primary care manager (PCM). She was told to do the normal things such as maintain a balanced diet, workout, stay hydrated, etc. We have to stay deployment ready and must be physically fit in order to pass the PT Test, or physical assessment. She was not overweight or had any previous issues with her tests. The headaches continued, as she went back to be seen. This time she was given a more powerful medication and was told it was offset vertigo. She took the medicine as prescribed, yes, but made another appointment because of no relief, and was told it was Vertigo. She was referred to ENT (Ear, Nose, and Throat) where they found nothing causing the headaches. She was told to taper off on the prescribed medication and to do slow head tilts and movements that should relieve some of the pain and pressure. The headaches didn’t get better. Still following policies and procedures, my wife began to frequent the local base Emergency Room. Upon discharge from the ER, the release papers state that if symptoms do not get better, come back and/or please contact your PCM for a follow up. This happened for well over a year. 

In February 2017, I was assigned to Osan Air Base Korea. We had both been deployed at the same time before, separated by Professional Military Education requirements, etc. We thought this was just another obstacle in our life as a dual military couple. We had been dealing and speaking out about her headaches for over a year. Trusting the system, we pushed. Stay ready, be resilient is what we are told. Her symptoms went from worse to everyday life altering by this time. She began to have back pain, blurred vision, slurred speech and was always tired. She talked about her conditions at work, staying professional, maintaining her work environment, all while trying to care for the kids and our home. She continued to frequent the emergency room where they gave her IV drips infused with pain medication. After numerous visits, she told me, “Babe, I feel like they get tired of seeing me there. They make little comments like, “back again”, or very rude in their approach of care.” She said, “I don’t care how many times it will take; I won’t stop going until they fix it, or refer me to someone that can help me.” The clinic had done MRI’s and X Rays, but the results weren’t sent off or read to her. Finally, a referral was granted for her to be seen by a Neurologist at the University of Alabama-Birmingham, about 5-6 hours from where we were stationed. A mother with 4 children at home, in intense pain, husband gone due to the mission of the Air Force, trying to uphold her position at work, has to ensure the children are taken care of so she could finally be seen so far away. Her first visit, incorrect records were sent to UAB. She went back to the clinic at Eglin where they redone her MRI. Another referral appointment had to be made with UAB, and she had to travel again.

After receiving a diagnosis from UAB, we both were relieved, thinking the system would ensure she receives the proper care afforded to her as a military member. NO. Her symptoms became intolerable, as she was back at the local base ER 2 days after her diagnosis. She called me and said she could barely get out of bed, and had to have our children assist her to get around. About a week before her death, she spoke with her PCM and told him she was in grave pain, as if her head was going to explode. He said he would refer her back to the specialist at UAB. She was to see an Ophthalmologist, July 2017, to look at how much pressure was behind her eyewall. The appointment was more than a month away. 

Chrystal woke up in the early hours of 15 June in unbearable pain. She went to the ER complaining of a severe headache, dizziness and back pain. She was given pain meds and sent home. Chrystal’s mom was in town to help her and for her birthday. She didn’t like the care she received and decided to drive her to be seen at UAB. 

On the way to the hospital, in the small town of Georgiana, Alabama, Chrystal woke up telling her mom her head was exploding and someone was stabbing her. She said, “Momma I’m Dying”. She laid back in her seat as her mom pulled over to assist her and to ask for help. An ambulance came and transported her to the local hospital. As they took her to the helicopter giving her CPR, our 2 oldest children, ages 11 and 12 at the time witnessed all the events. Our 11-year-old daughter called me in Korea as I was working with the 1st SGT trying to get home. She told me it wasn’t good, and to please hurry home to them. I felt helpless, emotional, and extremely angry. I couldn’t believe this was happening, especially after several attempts to get help. I called the hospital and was told they couldn’t give out any information. I was told, “your wife is resting in a room.” What does that mean I asked? No reply, just she is resting. I flew for what seems to be forever wondering what does “she is resting” mean. 

I made it from Korea to Birmingham, Alabama at 0500 on 17 June 2017. I saw my wife laid up with a warming blanket on her body, eyes half open, her tongue was swollen and sticking out her mouth. I was told they were keeping her warm until I made it to say my final goodbye. In shock and disbelief, I was consumed by pain, guilt and anger. I grabbed our children, held them close and wept. I never got to tell her by voice that I Love Her or hear her voice again. The last time I physically saw her was February 2017. 

The pain our children and I suffer from every day is unimaginable. I am on different medications, suffering from PTSD, Anxiety, Depression, and unable to sleep. So often I want to give up, but I have to find the strength to move on and continue to raise our children. Our children, through counseling, are trying to live “normal lives”. Nothing is normal about watching your 38-year-old mom die in front of you. They both suffer from anxiety, nightmares, depression and often want to be alone. They often cry and ask why their mom had to die? Our son's grades have dropped. He has lost all interest in doing things he used to love. Our daughter has difficulties at school trying to focus and gets emotional when any event involving moms is done. Raising teenagers is a difficult job in itself. Doing it alone, while all suffering inside is unexplainable. Our 2 youngest girls(ages 1 & 2 at the time of her death) wanted mommy to wake up and come home. They couldn’t attend her funeral because they didn’t understand mommy couldn’t wake up and come home. They both still ask for mommy when they cry and get upset. I’m sure they suffer from some matter of PTSD witnessing what they did. They relive that day and have talked about it every day since it happened. 

Did Chrystal have to die? failed by a system we trusted and believed in? Did she not visit the Emergency Room, consult with her PCM, PCMs, or voice her pain enough? Did she not do all things asked of her to get the care she deserved? She broke no rules. She suffered but voiced her pain until the day she passed away. She gave 19 years of Blood, Sweat and Tears, and in the end lost her life because her cries and pain seemed to go unheard, believed or concerning enough to HELP her. She was an amazing woman that didn’t deserve the results she got. 

Thank You for reading Our story. I pray our Testimony is heard, and may it touch and reach others who suffer every day and don’t know how they will carry on. 

Deverris, Jaydence(15), Jamiya(13), Jayla(6), and Jasmine(4)